Heaven help me, but zucchini season is about to hit full swing.

I’ve never been able to have a garden. We’ve always rented, and just didn’t see the point in putting money into a garden, when we weren’t sure if we’d be there long enough to make the money we’d put into it worth while. No matter who says what, if you’re putting in a brand new garden, it’s *not* a cheap endeavour. I did the math once, and I think it worked out to needing four years of good harvest before it ‘broke even’, in that the money saved in what was grown would equal the money spent in creating it. Considering how large a family we have, a small garden wouldn’t be good for anything but an occasional snack. So, we’d have to rent a tiller, etc. Plus, deer abound around here. Bazinga, as I’ve already mentioned, is completely useless about deer. She would, however, find a freshly tilled garden a lovely napping spot. When she wasn’t digging in it.

So, a fence is a must.

We have been lucky, however, in past years, that we’ve had neighbours that have garden, and would share some of their bounty with us.

Unfortunately, that usually means zucchini. Lots and lots of zucchini.

I do wonder about people who deliberately plant zucchini. Unless it’s your *first* ever experience with growing it, you have to know it spreads like a demon weed. I’ve never heard of anyone complain about the *lack* of zucchini they were able to grow in any year. If you have so much zucchini that you’re foisting it off on innocent, unsuspecting neighbours, maybe you should plant LESS next year? It’s not like zucchini is an expensive vegetable to start with, so you could even *gasp* skip planting it and buy it instead, rather than banging on every door in the neighbourhood to gift them with this produce from Hell. I’ve heard stories of zucchini abandonment, as well it being used as a spite gift. Instead of a flaming bag of dog poo, folks walk out to discover a bushel of zucchini left on their porch.

And, if you open the door to a neighbour forcing errr…gifting you a bag of zucchini, you have to act happy, because otherwise you’re rude, and hurt their feelings.

Honestly, I’ve never met anyone that actually *raves* about how yummy it is, that it’s their favourite veggie EVAH, and life would be bleak without it.

Those folks might exist, but I’ve never met one. I suspect they’re mythical creatures, right up there with unicorns and trolls. And honest politicians.

What I *have* heard is of all these ways to hide it. Sauces, breading, deep-fried, slathered in dip, baked in breads, cakes and brownies.

Here’s the thing, folks: if you’re having to hide it like that, it’s not a good sign. Second, by the time you disguise it by adding sugar, cocoa, eye of newt, I don’t think it really counts as *healthy* any more.

Last year, we were gifted this:

See that can? That’s to give you an idea of the size of that sucker. I suggested to Wolf that the only reasonable use of it was to shellac it and keep it as a home defence weapon. He was convinced one of the children would end up injured if we kept it around, so we handed it off to a vegan family we know. Figured if *anyone* was capable of enjoying zucchini, it might be them. Maybe.

Stop the madness. If you insist on growing the Vegetable Spawned From Hades, keep it to yourself. Or at least, off my doorstep.