Things I’ve Learned

Things I’ve learned in 2014. So, in the last month.

Going viral is great. Makes you feel like people actually like your writing. The downside, however, is that nothing actually changes. No parade, no tiara, no sash. Still have to change diapers, do laundry, feed the family. My family didn’t suddenly demand to bask in the glory that is me, listen with rapt and breathless anticipation of the pearls of wisdom that fell from my lips. 

Going viral, as awesome as it is, is hard to talk about offline. If I were to announce to neighbours, “I’ve gone viral!” they’d likely lock my house down on quarantine, demand I mask and glove in public, and wield industrial cans of disinfectant spray at me while screaming, “UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN!”

On the upside, my teenage daughter was proud of me, and rewarded me with gluten free chocolate chip cookies. Cookies are always good. Having a teen daughter think her mom might not be as clueless as she’d always assumed? Even better.

I’ve also discovered, yet again, that dealing with the Creeping Crud sucks. First Tazzie fell. Then Princess. Then Diva. Boo. Then Cubby. And now myself. All coughing, hacking, sneezing, sore throats, fevers. Yay. 

Cubby has decided that the only acceptable sleeping arrangement is with Mom, on the couch. And he’s a MEAN sleeper. Elbows, knees seek out the soft parts of my body (let’s be honest here, it’s ALL soft!) and dig in. Head likes to bang into my nose, mouth, jaw. I’m considering purchasing body armour for any further sick nights of his, as well as giving me an idea for a wedding gift for his future spouse.

Good thing I didn’t tell the neighbours about being viral.

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