Romance, Parent Style

Things are a bit overwhelming, with what’s happening with Bazinga, so please enjoy this article, from Feburary. I promise to write something new soon!

Romance, Parent Style

Romance, Parent Style

Few things tell you how far gone you are into parenthood as an attempt at romance.

1) Your attempt at being romantic starts with, “Are the kids sleeping?” “How long will they nap for?” or, “When is the playdate over?”

2) Forget romantic music. You need to be able to hear little footsteps approaching.

3) When planning to don lingerie, you also plan to keep a blanket handy at all times, so that you can do the Shuffle of Shame to your bedroom when someone unexpectedly shows up in the doorway. “Whatcha doing, Mommy?” “Scarring you for life, Kid. You’re welcome.”

4) A night out takes more planning, background checks, reference checks and budgeting than your entire college education. And current job.

5) You checked out your spouse less than you do your babysitter.

6) Leaving the house, you’re assaulted by the vision of your child on a therapist’s couch, talking about how you abandoned them for your own fun.

7) When you finally escape the house, you spend more time frantically checking your phone, calling home, and looking for text messages than talking to your spouse. And when you’re not, he is.

8) Dinner conversation is all about the kids.

9) You realize that you’re able to eat your meal without someone else sticking their fingers in it, attempting to float something in your drink, or having to get up and down forty billion times. Glory be, supper is actually HOT when you eat it. Feeling uncomfortable, you contemplate asking your spouse to toss some bread in your water glass, or at least pick his nose at the table, so life can feel normal.

10) You can pick out fellow dinners that also have children at home. They’re gulping down their food, barely chewing, learned survival mode, from living with small dictators that seem to target dinner time for their most demanding moments.

11) Going to see a movie that lacks animation, talking animals, or someone bursting into song feels like you’re doing something forbidden. And it’s good. So. Good.

12) You consider taking out a loan, a second mortgage, or working a second job to be able to afford a sitter more often.

13) You promise each other that you’ll make date night a weekly event.

14) In six months to a year, repeat steps 1-13

I’m here to say that it does get easier. Eventually. There may even come a time when *gasp* you leave the kids overnight. As crazy as it is, it’s true. You’ll even manage to not have a complete breakdown while you’re away, and even be able to enjoy yourself, almost guilt free.

Hey, you’re a parent. Guilt is standard now.

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Romance, Parent Style — 7 Comments

  1. Guilt is totally a standard when it comes to parenting and even when you own a pet. No joke #3, had our dog recently being the interrupter and me ending up feeling as though she is a total voyeur! But still romance and parenting just don’t mix!

  2. Yup! No more worrying about your parents coming home to find you getting hot and heavy with your high school sweetheart. Instead now we’re worried about our own children’s eyes bleeding. Ha, ha, I guess it still adds a little dash of illicitness … which most marriages could probably use:)

  3. I dared my children to get sick. Finally. I was going on a bowling tournament trip with nothing but ladies! First time leaving the kids for the weekend. No husbands, no kids. The day before I was to leave…yep, one of mine got sick. Made arrangements with my parent to stay with the one sick child, while my husband kept the others, in their motor home at a relative’s home near where I would be. Ran to the doctor, who by then was a friend, & told him the situation. My child had strep throat. He gave me the name & number of a doctor friend of his in that lived in that town. I left, with my child, & headed to the relative’s house. Gave my sick child to my parents, who promised to call me if the child’s fever went up & met my friends at the hotel. I was free.
    The next morning my friends told me that I got more sleep than they did and I might as well have brought my children with me b/c I talked to them ALL night in my sleep! Good thing they were good friends. BTW – My child did fine, actually better than I did with the separation.

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