I’m Going To Get Arrested

I'm thinking the Amish have it right...

I’m thinking the Amish have it right…

Seriously folks, start gathering bail money, because I’m going to get arrested. Cause of a kid’s show.

Actually, technically, I believe it’s a ‘short’…one of those things they play between shows.

Terror Toddler is somewhat addicted to a show with an androgynous, cross dressing rat. And his pet cat. I don’t understand why he likes it so much, and find minimal comfort in the fact that it’s created in Canada. Quebec, specifically, although of course it’s broadcast in English. (Take that, Parti Quebecois!)


I’m sitting here, perfectly innocent, bemoaning the fact that I’ve had a toothache forever, and the only dentist in the area that does IV sedation won’t fit me in for a NEW PATIENT APPOINTMENT for two freaking weeks. Not even to deal with the danged tooth, but a hey-how-are-you-lets-charge-you-loads-of-money-for-a-meet-and-greet-and-xrays appointment.

A short Wolf and I loathe come on. Four adults, dressed in skin-tight blue body suits, and skull caps. They do movements/exercise. They look like blue sperm. I attempt to tune it out. Then I hear:

“Spread the arms!” Ok, fine.

“Spread the legs!” Uh, ‘scuse me?

Then, THEN it gets horribly, terribly, incredibly bad, and the reason that I’ll end up in jail:

“Spread the cheeks!”

Oh dear, holy old mouldy cheezits, WHAT DID THEY JUST SAY?!

I turned in slow motion. Yes, that IS what they said. Thankfully, they were referring to the facial cheeks, not the butt.

However. I’m picturing what would happen, if, out in public, one of the Terror Toddlers picked that moment to yell, “SPREAD THE CHEEKS!”

Jail. I’m going to jail. There’s just no good way to explain this one.

And, since toddlers are KNOWN for repeating the most inappropriate things at the most public of times, it’s gonna happen. Probably in the middle of the grocery store. With sixteen different church groups in attendance, and several senior citizens groups on an outing.

So, if I disappear, you know why.

I’m being sent somewhere that, “SPREAD THE CHEEKS!” isn’t a euphemism. All because of a kid’s tv show.

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I’m Going To Get Arrested — 8 Comments

    • Glad you enjoyed it! I’m thinking of carrying peanut butter around, so if one of them starts talking, I can just give ’em a spoonful of it. Kiddie duct tape.

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