Help With The Elf on the Shelf!!

Ok, I totally got suckered a couple of years ago, into the whole, “Elf on the Shelf” insanity.

In my defence, the person that suckered me had much older children, and her Elf was a homicidal, suicidal critter. It sounded like just my kinda thing. You know, the Elf would be found dangling in the blender, foot on the ‘puree’ button, head stuck in a toaster…good clean, macabre fun.

Of course, I completely neglected to consider it would be many, many, MANY years before I could get away with such things. And we’ve since added two more Minions to the mix. By the time I’m allowed to do creepy, sick twisted funny things with the dang Elf, I’ll probably have grandkids to screw it up.


So. Here’s my thing, my question, my call out to help from all of you folks that read the blog:

WHAT can I do with this stinking Elf that won’t give my kids nightmares, but won’t bore the snot out of me and Wolf (and Diva, since she takes a turn too).

Please, for the love of all that’s holy, let’s keep in mind that this is the Not A Stepford Life house, ok? Pinterest Perfection AINT HAPPENING.

If I have to spend more time cleaning up after a freaking Elf than I do after 5 kids and a large slobbery dog, it aint gonna happen. If it takes hours of careful planning, it aint happening. If it needs electronics or cash to put into play, it aint happening.

I need simple, quick, and easy ideas. That won’t have my children on a therapist’s couch in ten or twenty years, recounting Elf exploits in trembling horror.

I already know my kids will be in therapy, simply because we’re the ones raising them, but I prefer to avoid deliberate trauma.

Previous years, we’ve had Jingles eating Christmas gummy bears.

The next night, the bears took revenge.

Help with the Elf

You ate our father! Prepare to die!

i’ve had to censor Wolf’s attempts…I don’t need to explain what Jingles and Barbie are doing in the doll house, thankyouverymuch. Although, this still somehow snuck past my censorship…

Help with the Elf!

I swear, that Elf is leering…

So. I’m throwing myself on the mercy of the readers. The Middle Minions are counting down to Jingles arrival. I need help with the Elf! Comment with your non-therapy-inducing suggestions!


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Help With The Elf on the Shelf!! — 2 Comments

  1. I wish I could give you some non-traumatizing ideas. However, my brain automatically runs to the dark side as well. If it wasn’t outright macabre, I’d still be setting him up in ways that would startle someone!

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