Sometimes, the reactions of Grandmas-to-be can be a bit startling. Expectant parents find themselves wondering, “Is she just excited, or is this over the top?”
Fear not. Imp is here with a handy dandy tip sheet to help you figure it out!
1) When finding out you’re expecting, the Grandma-To-Be (GTB):
a) Says, “Congratulations! I’m so happy!”
b) Starts talking about how the baby will love her best.
c) Bursts into hysterical sobbing and gropes your belly, crooning, “My baaaaaaaby!”
2) You’re shopping with GTB. You meet up with someone she knows. GTB introduces you:
a) “This is my daughter/daughter-in-law, “First-name””
b) “This is the incubator…errr, I mean, my son’s wife, “First-name”
b) Points to your belly and exclaims, “She’s having my baby! That’s my baby!”
3)You set up your baby registry, and mention it to the GTB. She:
a) Asks for the link, so she can choose a gift
b) Tells you she already set up a registry.
c) Asks why YOU need a registry, since she already has everything her baby needs, at her house.
4) When talking about labour and delivery, GTB says:
a) Let me know when you want me to visit!
b) Asks which leg she should be holding.
c) I don’t know why you can’t just have my baby here. I can deliver my baby!
5) GTB has a surprise! Is it:
a) A large item from your registry, or heirloom baby item?
b) A fully furnished nursery in her home?
c) Filled out adoption papers, so she has no hassle getting the baby at the hospital.
6) You mention baby names you’re considering. GTB:
a) Says, “I’m sure what ever name you pick will suit the baby perfectly!”
b) Produces a list of names she’s come up with, that are all variations of her name
c) Tells you she’s already picked out the baby’s name.
7) You mention you plan to breast feed. GTB says:
a) That’s great!
b) I’ve already bought formula and bottles for my baby.
c) “I bought a breast pump for me too! And I got herbs online that will make me lactate!”
8)Talking about after baby is born, GTB says:
a) Let me know what help you need!
b) Announces she’s moving in for the next year.
c) Tells you she’s already got that planned out, and you don’t get a vote.
9)Talking about visits after the baby is born, GTB says:
a) “Let me know when you’re ready for visitors.”
b) “You can come visit my baby on the weekends. Maybe.”
c) “I’m taking the baby back to the Old Country to be raised properly. They’ll be back in time for school.”
10) Her Grandma name is:
a) Grandma, Nana, Granny…
11)The day to bring home baby, GTB wants:
a) You to call when you can. Babies are hard work, notoriously bad sleepers, and you’re sore, bleeding, leaking, and at the mercy of a small dictator.
b) To have been rooming in with you for the entire labour, delivery, and postpartum period at the hospital.
c) To show up with a carseat, so she can take the baby to her house. And for you to disappear. Forever.
For some reason, babies can bring out the crazy in people that you never would have suspected of harbouring insanity. Be prepared to enforce boundaries, to ensure that you have the birth, and postpartum experience that you want, need, and deserve.
If you’ve answered all, or mainly ‘a’s, you’ve got a pretty typical excited Grandma on your hands.
If you’ve answered all, or mainly ‘b’s, erect some strong boundaries, FAST! She’s definitely got a touch of baby rabies, and the only hope you have of preserving a relationship is making your boundaries clear, and strong. Otherwise, you’re in deep, deep caca.
And seriously, if you’ve answered ‘c’ for any of the above? Keep your doors locked, install a security system, hire armed guards, and consider an alligator filled moat around your house. Or fleeing the country. That would probably be the safest bet. Alligators don’t do well in all climates, after all. She’s got baby rabies so bad, she makes Cujo look like he had the sniffles.
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