Dangers of Being Married to a Writer

Our conversations just aren't normal...

Our conversations just aren’t normal…

Actual conversation that happened between Wolf and I:

Me: “So, I think I’m going to talk to the Dr about how to kill someone. What meds you could give them to cause a heart attack that wouldn’t be evident.”

Wolf: “You’re going to kill me now? Do you think you should be announcing this? Cause if I suddenly croak while taking the kids sledding, he’s going to wonder.”

Me: “Not you. Geez. Talking about the novel I’m working on.”

Wolf: “Yeah, ok…but do you think the Dr won’t be just a little concerned that you’re asking for untraceable ways to kill someone?”

Me : “Well, I’d tell him it was research for a book!”

Wolf: “Yeah, like he hasn’t heard THAT one before.”

Me: “Well, I thought about googling it, but I didn’t want to set off any weird internet flags, and have the police show up at the door. Plus, I figured you might be a bit freaked out if you found out I was googling how to kill someone.”

Wolf: “Just a bit.”

Me: “Besides, I’ve already told you, you’re not allowed to die until after the kids are all out of the house. Now, after THAT, you might want to be worried.”

Wolf: “Good to know.”

Yes, this is considered a normal conversation around here.

What do normal people talk about? I’m pretty sure that discussing ways to get away with killing people is one of the dangers of being married to a writer, that other couples just don’t have on their radar.

And of course, now that I’m writing about it, Wolf better not ever die of a heart attack, or I’m screwed.

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Dangers of Being Married to a Writer — 13 Comments

  1. This. I don’t know that I’ve ever related to anything more! These are the kinds of things we talk about around here. There’s also the moments when we’re out and about and I turn to Almost-Husband and say, “I’m really worried about (insert character’s name), I left them in a really precarious situation”. To which he replies, “You realize these are just people you made up, don’t you? I’m starting to get concerned that you can’t distinguish fact from fiction. Your fiction, at that.” Yeah…us writers are a special bunch!

    • I’ve explained to Wolf that writing is like being possessed, or haunted. Characters are *real* in their own way. I just do my best to observe what’s happening, and write it down. He’s listened to me grumble and curse about characters not doing what I want them to.

  2. I don’t know what normal people talk about because 1) everyone I know is batshit crazy – in a good way, and 2) normal people tend to steer clear of me. Must smell the crazy on me. Loved this piece, Melissa, great dialogue, you nailed it. Oh, and you might want to maintain a steady list of alibis. Just in case.

    • Are you offering to lie me an alibi? SOLD!

      Normal ppl give me a wide berth too. Maybe crazy gives off pheremones? Or maybe my eyes spin like pinwheels when normies approach…

      • It’s the second one. It’s a little odd to watch, actually, but amusing at the same time. I should seriously record it sometime.

        And you’re asking other people for alibis now? I thought that was my job!

        • Folks, meet my Diva. Yes, my teen daughter comments on my blog. I’m not sure exactly WHAT that says about her, myself, or our relationship. Mainly, I suspect it says she’s nosy 😛

          And you’re my kid. An alibi for you is going to be suspect anyways. Not to mention, if God forbid something ever did happen to your dad, you’d be the first one pointing at me and saying, “I KNOW SHE DID IT!”

          • I’m not nosy. I’m just curious. And you’re the one who gets all hurt if I don’t behave like a good little blog-stalker and read every word on the page 😛

            And I would not! …In front of the police. I’d be afraid of finding something in my mocha. I’d keep it in my brain, and wait until it’s a cold case to tattle on you. Duh. That’s what all the smart heroines in the books do.

          • I’m giving you points for spelling ‘heroines’ right. I’ve seen it spelled ‘herion’ too many times…and a completely different thing.

            And you’re so nosy.

  3. Pingback: Writing Could Be Dangerous?! - Not A Stepford Life

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