CoSleeping Conversation

 

I’ve mentioned before, I don’t cosleep well. I don’t know if other moms have more cooperative kids, or what the gig is, but sleeping with my kids…well, there’s not a lot of *sleeping* going on.

 

So, for your amusement, I thought I’d write the scene from his point of view.

“Hmm. Momma’s asleep. That’s not right. I’m bored. I know! I’ll kick her in the face! That’ll be fun! She’ll like that!”

 

*KICK*

 

“Hey! Momma didn’t seem to like that. She obviously doesn’t understand the entertainment value here. Let’s try that again.”

 

*KICK*

 

“Boy, is she slooooooow. Still not getting the fun. One more time.”

 

*KICK*

 

“Alright, alright, she’s obviously just not getting into it. Maybe if I just put my toes up her nose. I know I can get my fingers up my nose, and her nose is bigger, so I’m sure my toes will fit…”

 

*POKE* *JAB*

 

“Geez, is she ever cranky. No kicking in the face, no toes in her nose. Huh. Oh! I know! I’ll get up on my knees and launch myself at her! Face plant! I’ll be AWESOME!”

 

*SLAM*

 

“Well, she’s got a soft belly. That’s kinda neat. I wonder if her chest is that soft?”

 

*SLAM*

 

“Not bad. I think the belly is softer. Hmmm. How about that face?”

 

*SLAM*

 

“Ouch. OK, that wasn’t fun. Let’s just headslam her belly. It’ll make a good pillow.”

 

*SLAM* *Headbutt*

 

“I just can’t get comfortable here. Let’s try flip flopping all over, up, down, sideways, throwing Momma a kick, elbow and head butt with each move! She won’t want to miss any of these awesome acrobatics!”

 

*JAB* *THUMP* *FLIP* *FLOP* *KICK*

 

“Ooooh, I know the problem now! I don’t have enough space! Momma thinks SHE should get some sleeping surface here. Geez, isn’t she a little old to believe in fantasies? I’ll just star fish out on my belly, spreading my arms and legs as far as I can.  Oh, that’s right…ZZZZZzzzzzzzz”

 

And *that* is how I ended up barely clinging to the edge, afraid to fall asleep, in case I fell right off and onto the floor.

 

*****

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CoSleeping Conversation — 1 Comment

  1. Pingback: Terror Toddler Too - Not A Stepford Life

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