This post was originally written in Feb 2012. Having a bad RSD flare up, so thought I’d rerun it, as I’ve also had a migraine in the last week. Yippee for me!
Had the migraine from Hell yesterday. They’re so much worse and more frequent since RSD.
While I was waiting for death, I had a list run through my head of how to tell you’re having a migraine, so I thought I’d post what I remember of it here. Please keep in mind that this list seemed perfectly, totally rational at the time…
- Bizarre thoughts seem perfectly rational.
- When the pain starts, you’re afraid you’re going to die.
- As it builds, you hope you’re going to die.
- As it builds more, you *know* you’re going to die, and are grateful.
- At its peak, you’re afraid you WON’T die, but live like this forever.
- You consider shooting yourself in the head, despite not owning a gun, or knowing anyone that does. The only thing that really stops you is the thought that the sound of the shot might reach you before the bullet does.
- Drilling a hole in your head sounds like a fantastic idea. It would release the pressure
- You discard drilling a hole in your skull because you don’t want the noise of the drill that close to you.
- It occurs to you that if you sneeze, you’ll either go off the charts for pain, or your head will simply explode. You’re not sure if you should hope to sneeze or not.
- Wearing sunglasses to help w/photosensitivity doesn’t work, b/c the pressure of the glasses on your nose makes you feel like you’re being stabbed w/a dinner fork or that your nose is breaking.
- You hear someone chanting, “Kill me…kill me…kill me” and realize it’s you.
- You hurt from your upper jaw all the way up your face.
- Breathing through your nose hurts.
- The sound of your own breathing is like a jet engine in bed beside you.
- It feels like your thoughts are being etched on the inside of your skull.
- You’re not sure where to grab…your eyes, top of your head, back of your skull…it all hurts so much.
- You find yourself waiting for a popping sound…of your neck breaking, b/c it feels like there are weights piled on top of your skull, and sooner or later your neck is going to give out.
- You feel something trickle down your cheek…you’re not sure if it’s a tear, or your eyeball leaking, so you’re afraid to wipe it away…then it occurs to you that if it is your eyeball leaking, it would release some pressure, and that would be good.
- You’re afraid to cry, b/c the tears hitting the pillow would sound like a nail gun.
If any of this sounds familiar, you have my heartfelt empathy.
Are there any you’d add to the list?