I Hate Dora

I hate Dora.

There, I said it.

I can’t stand her.

Her songs get in my head and chew on my brain. “Where are we going?” *clap* *clap* *clap* ARRRGGGGGH!

And a boot wearing monkey named ‘Boots’? Really?!

Here’s a lil reality, you giant football headed freak: Boots wouldn’t wear the freaking boots. He’d eat them. Or poop in them, and throw them at you. Or just fling poo. Or attempt to eat your giant head. Either way, he wouldn’t be trotting along by your side, singing songs, and wearing unfashionable footwear, ok?

And what is with the giant head, anyways? Is it a tumour? (I so said that in an Arnold voice, yes, yes I did) Why doesn’t she just fall over? Is her head actually shaped like a football, or is it the hair cut? And why would her mother let her run around in a haircut that makes her head look like a football? And why is she wandering all over creation w/out her parents? Folks go to *jail* for that sort of thing these days, yanno.

And the Map…we have talking maps. They’re called GPS. And you don’t have to sing songs to keep track of directions, it corrects you as you go. Personally, I always kinda hope that the map deliberately leads her into the forest, and quits talking to her. Or the knapsack really DOES eat the dang thing, and next time she wants it, it burps confetti at her.

If the Troll could *eat* her, rather than asking questions, that would be good too.

But, my special loathing is reserved for Swiper.

Who, in the name of all that’s holy, decided that a kleptomaniac fox was a good character for a children’s tv show?!

A whole generation of people, when confronted by a mugger, will have to battle the urge to yell, “Swiper! No swiping!”

I’ve got a solution for Swiper. Invite some British nobles to a fox hunt. That’ll cure his thieving ways.

Heeere, Swiper...Hereeee boy!

Heeere, Swiper…Hereeee boy!

What does the fox say?

“Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!”

Maybe I should have┬ámentioned that I have the Head Cold From Hades, and might be feeling a wee bit cranky, and possibly a wee bit loopy. It’s my personal theory that snot isn’t really a sinus infection, but rather your brain liquifying, and then oozing out your nose, via your sinuses.

Glad I shared that little theory, aren’t you.

You’re welcome.

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Comments

I Hate Dora — 10 Comments

  1. Oh apparently there’s a new Dora show called Dora and Friends. I’ve only been the commercials, but it looks like she’s older and is in the city now.

  2. When my kids were young, it was Barney that I hated. That was before Blue’s Clues, and Dora and all the other new-fangled crap. Every time the theme song would come on, I’d want to punch myself. And the rewinding of the same 8 videos, over and over and over. /punch self

    • See, my eldest is in his 20s. And the youngest Minions are 2 and 1. So I’ve had them ALL.

      First time I saw the Teletubbies, I seriously thought I was hallucinating from sleep deprivation.

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