I should’ve known, when I was up at almost 4am, that yesterday was going to be a challenge.
“Why, Imp”, you wonder, “How could you possibly know before 4am how the day is going to go?”
Well, I was UP before 4am. That’s the first hint that something wasn’t going right. In particular, Boo had a nightmare. Plus, when Murphy camps out at your house as often as he seems to be here, you get a sense for these things.
And, when I walked into my living room, this is the sight that greeted me:
Great. Christmas tree fall down. Christmas tree go boom.
One of three things happened here:
1) The angel has had enough of the Non Stepford home, and decided to swan dive off the tree, misjudged, and took the entire tree down with her. Looking at this pic, it’s possible:
2) Jingles, that freaky spying elf that’s lurking around, pulled the damn thing over. I wouldn’t put anything past that leering little dude. But, he was pinned under one of the other toys.
3) Bazinga The Wonder Dog knocked it over with her butt. And, if you look at the first pic, you *can* see her dog blanket under the crashed tree.
Wolf thinks it’s Bazinga. I still suspect the Elf. No, I didn’t wake him up, I just couldn’t put the tree back up one-armed, with a crying toddler underfoot, so I let it lay in the middle of my living room, like a plastic pine corpse, waiting for burial until Wolf got up to deal with it.
But the lights still looked pretty.
I *did* consider fashioning a tree stand tag, “Bury me Dec 26th” but that was a lot more creative, and a lot more work than I’m capable before the sun’s up and I’m properly caffeinated. So did rummaging around to cover it with a sheet. And, while I can always find duct tape in this house, we’re out of ‘police line, do not cross’ tape. So, I got Boo back to bed, and went back to sleep myself, leaving the tree to contemplate its place in the world. On the floor. In the dark, because I did unplug the lights. Safety first, yanno.
BUT…the tree had its revenge. I’m pretty sure that karma came along to get me back for leaving it to lie there. Punishing me for my non-tree hugger ways.
Because, when Wolf and I went out, he was dropping me off at a grocery store. I got out of the truck, closed the door…and in Wolf’s words, “You just…disappeared.”
Yeah. Because I’d slipped on ice, and landed flat on my back. Awesome.
A nearby shopper saw me laying there, equal parts stunned, hurting, and embarrassed, and rushed over before Wolf got out of the truck. Awesome.This kind of thing never happens to me without at least a dozen witnesses around. Wolf claims that it took him a moment to realize what must have happened, throw the truck into park, and get out.
I told Diva, and she was shaking her head sadly at her Dad. “Really?” she asked, “You got to Mom after someone else did?”
“Hey,” he offered helpfully, “At least I didn’t run her over!”