Actual conversation in my home yesterday. Other folks may have been watching the Superbowl, my family discusses cannibalism and hot tubs.
Wolf: *pulling avocado pit out* Y’know, this would be perfect for a slingshot.
Imp: To do what, kill a person with?
Wolf: Well, yeah. You hit them in the temple and they’re down.
Diva: Or between the eyes. You can break the bone and bone fragments would stab the brain.
Wolf: Yeah. Or in the eye.
Imp: An avocado pit is a bit big to hit the eye.
Wolf: I suppose.
Diva: But you could give them a black eye! Or blind them!
Wolf: Or you could get yourself about 15-20 seconds to run up to them and stab them with your knife.
Imp: *bangs forehead against the wall*
Wolf: But you’d have to be pretty close to them already to use the slingshot.
Diva: Not necessarily. You could shoot a guy’s eye from the other side of the room.
Imp: Are we really discussing this in my kitchen?!
Diva: Well, yeah. If we were starving after the apocalypse and had to resort to cannibalism, it’d be easier to kill them in the kitchen. Less body-moving.
Imp: HOW DID THIS TURN TO CANNIBALISM?!
Wolf: Or a hot tub. Just turn the heat up.
Imp: I think they’d notice when you started putting vegetables in.
Wolf: Marinate them with alcohol first. Ever been in a hot tub with alcohol? It’s a dangerous situation.
Imp: I’m seriously reconsidering buying an acreage with you!
Diva: *laughing so hard she’s sobbing*
Imp: Diva, write this down for the blog. *leaves the room*
Dad: Probably be easier to boil the meat off first… Wait, you’re actually writing this down?
Yes, yes she did. Because the insanity in my house simply cannot be duplicated. And the world is a much safer place for it.
And I’m never, ever, owning a hot tub.