Cannibalism and Hot Tubs

Actual conversation in my home yesterday. Other folks may have been watching the Superbowl, my family discusses cannibalism and hot tubs.

 

Wolf: *pulling avocado pit out* Y’know, this would be perfect for a slingshot.

And you thought it was only good for guacamole..

And you thought it was only good for guacamole..

Imp: To do what, kill a person with?

Wolf: Well, yeah. You hit them in the temple and they’re down.

Deadly weapon, just add an avacado pit...

Deadly weapon, just add an avocado pit…

Diva: Or between the eyes. You can break the bone and bone fragments would stab the brain.

Wolf: Yeah. Or in the eye.

Imp: An avocado pit is a bit big to hit the eye.

Wolf: I suppose.

Diva: But you could give them a black eye! Or blind them!

Wolf: Or you could get yourself about 15-20 seconds to run up to them and stab them with your knife.

Imp: *bangs forehead against the wall*

Wolf: But you’d have to be pretty close to them already to use the slingshot.

Diva: Not necessarily. You could shoot a guy’s eye from the other side of the room.

Imp: Are we really discussing this in my kitchen?!

Diva: Well, yeah. If we were starving after the apocalypse and had to resort to cannibalism, it’d be easier to kill them in the kitchen. Less body-moving.

Imp: HOW DID THIS TURN TO CANNIBALISM?!

Diva's vision of the future in case society collapses? Oh, goody.

Diva’s vision of the future in case society collapses? Oh, goody.

Wolf: Or a hot tub. Just turn the heat up.

Imp: I think they’d notice when you started putting vegetables in.

Wolf: Marinate them with alcohol first. Ever been in a hot tub with alcohol? It’s a dangerous situation.

Imp: I’m seriously reconsidering buying an acreage with you!

Diva: *laughing so hard she’s sobbing*

Imp: Diva, write this down for the blog. *leaves the room*

Dad: Probably be easier to boil the meat off first… Wait, you’re actually writing this down?

Yes, yes she did. Because the insanity in my house simply cannot be duplicated. And the world is a much safer place for it.

And I’m never, ever, owning a hot tub.

Kinda does look like a cannibal stew pot, from those old movies, doesn't it? Hang on...IS THAT WHERE THEY GOT THE IDEA FOR HOT TUBS?!

Kinda does look like a cannibal stew pot, from those old movies, doesn’t it? Hang on…IS THAT WHERE THEY GOT THE IDEA FOR HOT TUBS?!

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Comments

Cannibalism and Hot Tubs — 13 Comments

  1. I think you’re right to not go with a hot tub. Your family is prepared for the collapse of civilization–they’re already thinking about low-tech weapons and cannibalism. The problem with a conventional hot tub is the electricity will be the first thing to go and all that plastic and wood is highly flammable. They’re just no good for any kind of cooking.

    What you need is one of those big cannibal stew pots, only stainless steel. Hey, how do cannibals keep those big stew pots from rusting?

  2. This cracked me up! It’s so good to know that I’m not the only one who has these kinds of conversations happening in her home! The smallest things can lead to the strangest exchanges!

    Thank you for sharing with us at #MommyMeetupMondays!

    • It’s not just the kids. It’s the husband. And I might have a *wee* bit to do with it, b/c he and I have some weird conversations!

      Nah, it’s all on him. *whistles innocently*

  3. This seriously had me laughing. Glad to know that I’m not the only person whose family gets caught up in very strange, but nonetheless fascinating conversations. And, based on the comments, I now know that this happens to many people. Thanks for sharing!

    • It’s always a comfort to know that there are others out there! Reassures me that maybe my kids won’t end up in intensive therapy, anyways. Or at least, if they do, maybe there’ll be enough of them for a group service? LOL!

      Thanks for commenting, Jack!

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